I admire a woman who can maintain dignity while puking after too much whiskey
I just passed one of the bars and saw my mom kissing another woman. This can't be good....right?
Knowing your life, probably not.
3rd rule of buttsex she must be clean and shower recently
and skipped dinner
Sooo just headbutted a stripper, meet you outside
Yeah well I used to see how many bud lights I could slam down during the pledge of allegiance, my record was 4, but I could do better now.
You are too young to settle down enjoy your life. The window to get drunk and have casual sex with strangers gets smaller by the day.
He smashed a plastic chair leg on a tree stump, threw himself into the side of our metal enclosure, stomped on the wreckage for a bit and then punched the fire.
your love of good penises attached to ugly faces is disgusting and slightly disturbing.
at the end of the day, college isnt gonna be for everyone... and some of us are just going to have to learn how to breathe underwater while sucking cock.
my life is about to be the like the hunger games except with penises. and im going to win.
I masturbated to my balding thirty-something co-worker last night. I am a new level of lonely.
I got you a "sorry you think I'm pregnant" present
If you need anything just hit me up
Pancakes
Noted.
He told me to prepare for his "Jurassic cock" and I had to leave the room from laughing.
I'm pretty sure I regained my virginity last night
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