youre talking to a girl on facebook chat right now and im sitting behind her in class lol. creepy?
Judging by the crutches in the living room I take it you two are fine and we aren't going out tonight?
It's a special occasion. Hence the 151.
Man, I must say, having known you since preschool, Eiffel-Tower-ing her would've fully completed our journey to brotherhood.
I was lying there too hungover to move when my dog jumped onto my bed and set half a calzone on my pillow. Best. Dog. Ever.
I swear she's a drunk klepto...by the end of the night she had stolen 3 bowling balls. HOW DO YOU STEAL 3 BOWLING BALLS?
Sex in the corn maze.....not as good as advertised.
I got a 5/5 with my "I don't want a baby" rant essay. She said my use of the word "leeches" was a powerful metaphor :)
I'm going to sleep with this bank teller and I'm going to enjoy it, just try and stop me
He told me to leave him behind and bury him in his batman pajamas. So two lessons I guess, don't give Tom whiskey and don't touch his daddy issues with a twenty nine and a half foot pole.
You can't leave me alone in times of distress because I will fuck things 🙈😐
See that doesn't work because we've had sex so its awkward for you to call me mom
she peed her pants, took them off, the put them back on. but she only put her legs in one hole.
I think my life is a one-way ticket to blackout city.
don't take this the wrong way, but I'm not drunk but I need you to take me to the ER and you're the most likely to not be drunk now.
Randomize
