i would punch a child for taco bell
I accidentally broke up with him while I was drunk which is really too bad since I'd just gotten a birth control perscription so we could start having sex.
Do you think he'd take me back if I said "dude, we need to get back together or this IUD is going to have an existential crisis for not realizing its full potential"?
she pooped in my shower. pooped. woke me up and said she thought she farted but it wasnt a fart i went back 2 sleep and found it hours later. no longer hooking up w chicks my moms age.
Nothing quite says America like barbecue and beer at 9 in the morning.
My balls had bee stings let's just leave it at that.
Great. I get laid, Leslie Nielsen dies. I can't have have sex anymore, the film community can't take another loss like this.
It's like I'm in a vicious cycle of noncommittal penis.
Im going to be coked out with hello kitty fire arms. Valentines day can suck my dick
You're a waste of cheezeits
I figure even if it starts out as just sex I can bang him into loving me
He wore socks while I was giving him head. I couldn't even focus on his penis because of the socks.
She's trying to change her flight... IM BEING COCKBLOCKED BY DELTA CUSTOMER SERVICE
but if we have a President Trump come Tuesday, I might throw myself off the Walt Whitman Bridge so Thursday might not work for me after all.
So when did "Are you okay?" translate into "Don't tell me you got fucked by another rando after another rager"?
just turned another straight guy gay. Goddamn the church must hate me
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