So I'm eating my sandwich... and a penny fell out of it.
So apparently the christmas orgy was a complete disaster
We made a trail of cheez balls so we knew how to get back to te apartment.
dude she looked like Newman from Seinfeld I'm done with this wingman shit
On the verge of sleeping with a man who can take me to an early bird dinner and a movie with his AARP discount. YOLO
I started dipping tositos in my screwdriver last night
then apparently I went "not bad" and continued
You are cordially invited to the annual finals week stress relief drinking binge at our manor this evening
plus like he's kinda a piece of shit. a beautiful somewhat talented piece of shit that hella needs to get his life together
whatcha doing?
lying in bed pretending to be a slug
Sorry my friend with benefits tried to run you over with his car
Dude did you see that video of yourself crying while bathing in vodka on YouTube?
GIIIIRL I AM STONED AF AND I HAVE A HOMEMADE POT PIE IN THE OVEN THIS PARTY IS LIT.
1 fuck you 2 fuck her 3 ur forgiven 4 im breaking up with her
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
I'll get the most aesthetic strap on, you'll see
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