He was sucking on my finger.... and it was at that moment that I thought: Man. I wish I had a penis.
Omg just woke up. 6am. random apartment. broad daylight. bunch of ppl doin coke around me. Theres a bridge nearby. I think my dentist is down the block. Oof.
riding the spinning bikes at the rec after Valentines Day was a baaddddd idea
I was in my bathroom taking a shit and my mom just opened the door, walked in, handed me a fudgesicle, and left without saying a word. Yeah. That just happened.
we were hooking up and then he goes "you can touch my penis" and i laughed too hard to do anything. no second date.
A man bought two 40's from me, then asked if I had duct tape. How do people over 50 know about Edward 40hands? It was very weird.
The real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch Buck Rodgers on Tuesday.
I had lunch with him today and quietly mourned his wasted good looks on such a disappointing set of genitals.
I agree though, his intact virginity is truly the tragedy of the century.
I don't know what to think. Also, I decided to take a bath...sorry in advance if I flood the bathroom.
I woke up with jello shots in pant pockets so I must've had fun
Your "whiskey dick" is glorious but also terrifying
Are you aware that you called your mom to say hi before you dragged the random guy into bed last night?
Yeahh. im on the phone with him drunk. he told me he found a pigeon in a cardboard box and named it quincy...
Well it was okay until he pinned my arms over my head and I found the loaded pistol tucked behind the bed... THIS IS WHY WE DON'T FUCK BOYS IN MONTANA ANYMORE
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