if all i could do was poop and smoke weed, i'd be eternally happy
amen to that sister
Then all the boys were saying that they were amazed at how much i could smoke...i'm so proud of myself
you said your puke was red because you were proud to be an american.
he texted me at 1 in the morning to ask if i wanted to come over and play in the snow with him
at least he gets points for a creative booty call
She told me to "stuff her hole like a build-a-bear". I was so drunk I didn't even think that was weird.
you referred to yourself as the crossing guard because of your neon shirt and began directing bar traffic
Hes screaming about Slender man. whatever hes on is probably not healthy.
There's a guy in here whose face looks like it would be perfect between my legs.
You tried to pay for our cab with the 2 dollars you got from selling your natty ice outside the strip club.
Do you ever get high and look at your cat and feel like you know them on an intellectual level?
Never thought an ATM max withdrawal could be such a good thing...
I'm the girl holding the bag of goldfish
Funny story... I got into my car and my porn started playing over my Bluetooth.
This ice cream is 10x better than the sex I had yesterday
OHMYGOD YOU REALLY THINK I'D BE ON OPRAH?!
Randomize
