Theyre still fighting about whether its called america or the united states.
we are driving next to a guy driving and masturbating while looking at a naked magazine. I love LA
I need Christmas break to be over. I'm tired of fucking my old High School girlfriends
already putting money aside for 4/20. you ready for the greatest tuesday ever?
Well he asked to have a sober hang out so i guess that constitutes as a date in college
My sister hid me from my parents, brought me a bloody mary, and told my girlfriend I was out with my dad. For 13, I got to say she's working out pretty good.
At this point if I didn't go to work hungover I think the whole place would think something is wrong
his face was nice enough, but his choice of footwear screamed columbian drug lord
He can only pee with the faucet running. It's like I'm dating a fucking toddler.
Dude! I just figured out I can successfully hide a 4oz flask between my boobs without endangering my cleavage! College: conquered!
Just found out that his ringtone for me is a train blowing bc and I quote 'I know when you call I'm getting laid'
Threw up in hyvee parking lot. Thanksgiving shopping complete.
you ever just feel like an organ is failing?
There's a burrito next to my bed. Did you buy it for me or is the Chipotle fairy real? And why am I naked?
He seems like a lot more than a waste of tequila
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