His was the first dick to ever be in my mouth... Of course I'm going to the wedding.
I didn't sleep with her. I'm boycotting arizona and she's from phoenix.
i'm sitting pantsless eating potato chips and watching porn before he picks me up for our date. I hope he's ready for this...
I try to help out whenever I can. Speaking of rough nights I woke up half naked on Brady's couch with bloody paper towels duct taped to my foot.
We are gonna be 90 years old in wheelchairs at the nursing home sitting at computers poking each other and waiting for the other to die so we will have the last facebook poke.
Lost my key. Fell asleep on the doorstep and got woken up by host grandma poking me with a broom.
I'm stealing this baby.
Well I always support illegal activity but where would you put it?
Yep. My memoirs will be called "A Slore Worth Mentioning"
Oh I see how it is...you can snap chat the world your balls but I wear dinosaur feetie pajamas and I'm the "weird one"
I don't know what part of my sober brain thought it was a good idea to get stoned when I can barely walk with crutches as it is, but that part is stupid.
i think im in europe. pls send help
11:30 you texted me saying he was on his way. 11:37 you said, "Oh my God that was terrible."
You know youre getting old when you I.D. the person trying to take you home to be sure they're over 25. Help me.
Lol it's kinda hilarious. I left missing one glass... guage. I feel like Cinderella... but less classy.
He lasted less than 30 sec. in bed and then sent me a friend request on LinkedIn. Wtf.
Randomize
