awoke with 47 plastic lawn flamingos in my bed and on surrounding floor. explanation?
you said they were your minions of evil that protected you from ferrets.
haha i think we're both just down to be fuck buddies..but i do have a hickey and a bit of a big lip and fucking burns on my knees..note to self hooking up on a golf course is NOT that exciting
susan atkins died, charles manson's lady
dont cry, there are other serial killers to crush on.
He was sweet. He even warned me that his dick curved, and I quote, "more than a banana."
I think I'm going to make a pina klonopin before class.
How was me telling you it's my mom's birthday a go-ahead to bang my sister???
Just had the moment before I realised I'd packed you off in an ambulance last night after funnel-feeding you Monster and vodka. Your mom thinks I'm a dick doesn't she?
He wanted to drink hypnotic from my butt crack. I need to move out this state.
Eight drinks in. Subject is fondling chips before eating them. Intoxicated texting has expanded from best friend to random guy I met in FBLA.
tell me you did not just describe yourself as "hot and bothered"
I smoked all his weed and he hasn't noticed yet. But I might need a place to crash when he does
Nothing more awkward that being butt ass naked in a guys bed and his ex wife shows up with his kid....
I have wine with a bendy straw bitches I can do fucking anything
Your participation in the democratic process makes me horny AF
Wanna get business drunk and go play golf?
Randomize
