u think ur still drunk from last night? i just put the eggs in the freezer and the remote in the sink. I don't wanna fucking hear it.
The more I look at him the more I wonder why anyone would ever want any of his features to be a part of their childs face.
She asked me why I was wearing a Batman Suit. Have I ever needed a reason to wear a Batman Suit?
I think I just tested my sobriety limits for unicycling.
I just want to make mistakes. Like stds that go away with antibiotics mistakes.
I was preparing to do my walk of shame shirtless, but then I found my sweater, wallet and keys neatly piled under a tree in the park.
I don't care if he's straight, his cock will be in my mouth by midnight. Like a closeted Cinderella.
Stop leaving me alone with my ex boyfriends after keg challenges. Woke up in his bed covered in what you think would be cum. No...toothpaste. He left a note. "Be home at four. Don't be here when I get back."
Just cried to my husband about how much I'm going to miss my boyfriend... Maybe marriage is going to work for me after all
I'm pretty sure I made out with a guy in a man thong.
I put his pb&j sandwich in my bra and never looked back
Idk I'm drinking Sam Adams and wearing new balances so I'm basically a dad
I love you as a roommate, but you GOTTA start using the door dude..
If you feel frisky later I have a cowboy hat that would look great on you naked...
Who is this......
good morning. i just did a walk of shame in front of his grandmother.
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