drunk at some random house party. come get me. i thought i pulled my dick out to go piss... it was my left nut. im soaked.
okay im going to go eat, shower and find underwear... call if you want.... but ill be listenig to glee VERY loudly.
You had sex with him even after he literally described himself as a "coldplay guy"? There's a line you just don't cross. There is a line.
They found an open window, climbed through and proceeded to arrest half the party. These campus cops are like fucking ninjas.
He was really drunk and I dared him to jump the swimming pool on his bike. Sadly he couldn't. Hey did you know a testicle can burst?
I can't think of anything besides pubic hair fallout. Ugh.
And before you get all mad cause I said "nipples," I actually discarded "you are so wet right now" and "you have such a raging clit-on right now."
That's called being sensitive.
i have at this current moment imbibed enough alcohol to float immerse or otherwise submerge a goat of respectable size. tequila
If you haven't seen a huge black man in tiny red snowflake shorts that barely cover his dick, then you don't know what I'm going through.
This family outing has commenced with me throwing up in an apple orchard
I named my Roomba after my pot dealer. I have a problem, don't i?
I just want to bone him one last time before he moves across the country with his new (average looking) girl friend.
I don't know, we got really drunk and I slapped her with an ear of corn.
No, no... It was great. I feel like my liver took a vodka shower and washed it's hair with pabst
Haha holy fuck. i dont remember much after pissing on your ex's flaming nude pics.
Randomize
