I wish my penis had an off switch
Laughlin, where retired strippers come to die.
It' a whole new level of walk of shame. I'm carrying his sheets since I have a washer/dryer.
and thats when we got a drunken mammogram in the middle of cvs pharmacy
Someone left a beer in front of your door...there's a note with it that says "peace offering"
did anyone else see me puking into my coat sleeve?
Spilled red wine all over my bed. This has to be the fiftieth time ive refused to fall asleep without a drink in my hand
Since when do you have sex with people you have feelings for?
Dude you don't understand. I genuinely felt his soul's penis in my soul's vagina.
So my dealer asked me if I wanted to join his circle because we smoked so much this summer he thinks we're dealing
Balls deep in an Orange is the New Black marathon. Bring food and drugs.
he never texted me back from last night. i think brining out the suction cup dildo was a mistake
Dude I asked him to get me beef jerky at 4 am and he actually walked to CVS to get it. CVS closes at 12 but it was the perfect opp to dip out
whoever decided snowing in 90 percent of campus on a night when the streets are flowing with tequila and skittles was clearly not an R.A.
Umm my dog ate your vibrator. Sorry 😬
You'd think that a rotation of two 30 year old men could keep me satisfied... WHY ISN'T THERE A MAN THAT CAN KEEP UP WITH MY HEALTHY SEXUAL APPETITE?!
Randomize
