so, totally just picked up a pack of red bull, and some magnum condoms and the old woman at the register's tone went from "hi blah how are you" to "oh....how YOU DOIN'?" she knew what was up
i effing cant stand that stupid soul the new way to roll hamster commercial. everyone im with is laughing and now hate them all.
PS, you're not being slutty, you're "making dreams true."
you never realize your highschool teachers are real people till you fuck one of them
Yeah I'm buying him lunch right now because I shot him with the fire extinguisher last night
Who cheats on Christmas eve? It's just asking for Jesus to hate you
Just tell your wife to stay in the car because you are self conscious about drinking infront of her. Now you have a DD AND we can still have a good time.
Is there a fine for having sex in the back of a zipcar?
I'm wearing the jeans from casino night. Tell me why I have a napkin in my pocket that says 'dont fear me'? I'm hoping it was just a coincidence.
It took all the strength I had tto sit at my desk and not tear off my business attire and run screaming from adulthood and flourescent lights.
Beer is acceptable at 830am if it's your bday, right?
Vodka tonic time....wish me luck!
Go for it my man. I'm saving my shit show night for tomorrow. Gonna make it a big one just to let the entire bar know why I'm single
My vagina has a mind if its own. Can you imagine if I didnt have you to run her ideas through.
I'm just going to take the mature adult root and ignore him for a bit, and then pretend like I didn't see him jerking off.
I have only been here for a week and might contributed to a dumpster fire on accident.
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