just won the tropical speedo for $11. i didn't know they sold pussy magnets that cheap
I don't understand why some guys want to have a huge conversation while standing at the urinal with cock in hand...
he farted when he came. not the best ending to my day.
He just did blow off my nipples. He's not serious about his girlfriend.
No. I'm drinking straight up vodka right now. With a pineapple in it.
That'll put some boobs in that bra.
I think these people may actually be nudists. You know it's bad when I feel uncomfortable.
MY FUCKING CAT JUST GAVE BIRTH AND IM FUCKING STONED AND I FUCKING DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO!!!
Trying to roll joints on a seadoo in the middle of a lake on a windy night. -Juststonerthings
I was orgasming and dying of laughter at the same time. I think I've found the One.
...I think I just watched a boy make a sandwich seductively. What.
WE'RE MOVING TO IRELAND!!!! DON'T ASK QUESTIONS JUST BOOK THE DAMN FLIGHT!!!!
Another guy on Tinder just asked about "the hotter girl" in my pictures. I fucking hate being your friend.
What's the world record for number of orgasms reached on ones birthday? Asking for a friend.
Last night I had a dream that I changed my last name to Vodka. what does that say about my life?
Worst sex ever! He was a talker for sure! I was on top and out of no where he said "Oh you bad bitch?" I stopped and left.
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