I need a shot of tequila, and quick death
i threw up on the table at the pizza place and peed in her room mates closet. i wouldnt invite me back either
Every single time I start thinking that we shouldn't have done that to him, I think of his ballsack in our passed out faces. No sympathy.
I forgot to tell you about my 7:30am Sunday morning run to the local convenience store to buy condoms, a du-rag and a shot glass
How do you think the people in my class would react if I ripped all my clothes off and jumped on him right now?
I know you're on vacation but you should know I just walk of shamed through a hotel lobby while leaving a threesome on Friday the 13th. Fuck superstition, I win.
Is it possibile to sprain your taint?
She was that bad?
Last night you told me to stop being Martha Stewart and asked if I had Taco Bell in my house
You don't have a wife, you don't have a dog, and you need a new bong. Don't make this any worse than that.
On another note, I feel like my vagina is slowly being peeled off with a rusty potato peeler.
Is there a polite/non-lush way to ask how alcohol ranks on their list of priorities? Because like idk how to break the ice furreal.
Just text him and be like do you want this pussy or not. You have three seconds to respond.
His mom showed up at my doorstep, begging me to take him back for him
Where do you find these people?
G&T. Gin and tonic. GIN AND TONIC. GIN AND TONIC AND FUCKING LIME
You don't need yoga. You need a boyfriend! Trust me I've become all sorts of flexible this past year.
Randomize
