So the D.A.R.E. essay I helped my tutor kid write won an award. Oh the irony.
Come outside. The vendor wants to go out strong tonight! Russian hooker interviews. Don't ask. We leave in 3 minutes.
He tied my whole arm, in its cast, to the headboard first. He mumbled something about safe, sane, and consensual?
Theres a freshman smoking a pipe on campus. This new class is setting a new standard we're not ready for
Ideas for halloween. We need simple yet hilarious. Cheap yet effective. Slutty yet acceptable. Go.
no dude free pina colada`s taste like what I would expect my penis to taste like except gay-er.
I like to get drunk just like anyone else but not to the point of sticking a rubber tube up my asshole
My car windows are covered in lube. Happy 4th of July!
Remember the thing I sent you? "Often complex problems are best solved by thinking like an animal." Hump away!
You missed the winter stoner olympics last night....I got the gold in blunt rolling
My mom just called hysterical. She and her sister found my dead grandma's vibrator.
The apple don't fall far from that tree.
Lindsey Lohan and I have slept with the same amount of people. The only thing she's now beating me on is rehab trips and teen choice awards, so really I'm the winner.
Sorry I pissed in your closet and lied to your parents that it was probably a flood. He got up to go to the bathroom, expecting sex when he got back, I panicked
Dude if I had a dollar for everytime she asked me to do weird shit with her when we were fucking I'd have like 4$
I couldn't find my contact solution so I thought mixing toothpaste and water would work
Randomize
