When do i get to see u next week?
When I teabag your entire family
theres a middle aged lesbian couple holding hands on the bus and a 17 or 18 year old christian girl visibly staring freaked out and audibly praying about it
She’s leaving for college so I made her a gift basket with all the essentials. You know- Ramen, a 12 pack of PBR, some leftover Plan B pills and a laminated business card for a good lawyer. Damn I’m a good big sister.
I left a bag of circus animal cookies in my car all day. they melted together into on giant cookie. this could either be the best or worst thing ever
We're trying to decide between cracker barrel an the ER
would it be completely unacceptable to smoke a cig outside naked? im already doing it so what you say doesn't matter.
Close your eyes and stop texting and think about puppies. You'll be fine.
Remember that picture you sent me of you trying to eat the flower arrangement in the bathroom at that restaurant?
She's working this semester. Her dad saw he was listed as 'the atm' on her phone and cut off tuition for three months.
So how was your new years? Did u ride a horse at 3am in zero degree weather? Because I sure did
is it weird that our first time having sex was makeup sex?
Three Asian guys got on the elevator with a handle of Hennessey and a sleeping bag. This is not the start of a joke.
I feel like I'm in a development meeting for a Lifetime original movie.
At some point, I’d like to pretend that his penis is a popsicle.
And the 'kicked out of Xmas party' trophy goes to me. 3rd nomination, first win.
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