i think i would be perfectly content if, on my deathbed, i could look back on a life that didn't have any fisting in it
the best things in life are free. have that freshly fucked look and doing the walk of shame by HIS girlfriend.....priceless
I tried to pay my bar tab with my gym membership card. Twice.
I just found a beer bottle in my xmas tree while disassembling it. God, I'm going to miss the holidays.
if he wont fuck me on the stairamster then i dont think theres much XXX shit going down
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
What's the appropriate I've been inside you but we're not technically dating valentines present?
captain&coke to the library. STAT. this is an emergency. this is not a drill. I repeat: THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
This costume is too restrictive. The priest and I cannot get it on while I am wearing it.
The upside of a losing football weekend is that there are more sad frat boys willing to let loose their inner gay man.
Between the puerto rican elf, the fat marine, the deaf guy and the ex coke head I've got a good preview if the men in this city...
Its not often you get to say, "The security guard at my job is my new drug dealer," but as of last night, I get to say it.
Had to leave my skype meeting to vomit. I'm obviously ready for the real world.
I HATE HIM SO MUCH I HOPE HE GETS IN SOME WEIRD ACCIDENT WHICH MAKES IT IMPOSSIBLE FOR HIM TO NUT
Have u seen my vagina and my gorilla costume? Im in need of it.
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