Reason #3 women are better than men: texting and peeing simultaneously. Write THAT in the fucking snow.
He just helps fat girls get exercise. One walk of shame at a time.
When sleeping with someone new: should you hide the magnum condoms, or let him know what he has to live up to?
If Amber from Teen Mom can get a new boyfriend, so can I.
he said he wished i had balls so he could kick me in them. then we had sex obviously
Making a mobile stripper pole for the back of my truck memorial weekend. Is where dignity goes to die
Bar selfie Saturday turned into bar nudie Saturday in a hurry. I need to delete my snapchat...
I think this bruise on my arm is actually an impression of your face
Ive been high since the plane left the ground in Los Angeles and Ive been in Chicago. Right now, Im on a train headed towards downtown to go to an anime convention. At this point, I am just taking life as it comes, furries and all.
I tried to settle their lesbian roommate fight by turning on Pretty Wild
I mean, I already put pants on today. We're already halfway there
New war strategy! The ex-girlfriend of my ex-girlfriend is now my twice a week booty call!
Current dream situation- Gordon Ramsey is my Uber driver and he's hauling around a backseat filled with chocolate covered açai berries. I'm good for eternity.
I was randomly pulled aside to have my bag checked. It had 50 condoms in it.
I'm having to shit out rocks
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