uhhh i just had a guy tell me he's seen more jam bands and done more drugs than i could err imagine. what a turn on.
i just went dwnstairs and there are 5 guys without their shirts on hugging each other. i think i should leave now
Hello rock bottom. My name is Jared. Nice to meet you.
which gay bar do you need a ride home from?
birthday sex, birthday sex, birthday sex
I'm on my period, period, period
I'm pretty sure that I'm earning a horrible reputation with your friends, but I'm having a fucking great time in the process.
I remember tearing his shower curtain down but I don't remember trying to shave my vag...
did she really put a helmet on, try to make a hole in the wall then pass out on the floor ten minutes later? if thats true ill be there in 15
to instagram or to not instagram the picture i took of when i shit in the urinal
Drunk texting is the poetry of my life
I emailed the police apartment to apologize to the officer from last night. I practically threw a hissy fit because he wouldn't hug me.
It was "against protocol"
If you magically turned into a tall white gay guy, ignore this message. If not, then I'm sure someone has your fb password.
The minute he showed me his Mumford and sons tattoo is the minute i could literally feel my pussy dry up
Also my roomate used some of my condoms so she gave me her hummus. Great trade
and i walked downstairs to find my brother using nunchucks, and making the appropriate noises. i simply asked "why"; his reply? "why the fuck do you think?". i love my family.
Christ, I'm so hungover I pretty positive I sent Luna to school with salsa instead of jelly on her sandwich.
Randomize
