New record: 45 minutes. Afterwards I played We Are The Champions while we cuddled.
are you drunk enough to hook up with me yet?
hah yeah. there was a kid puking in the bathroom and this idiot brings in a potted plant and was like "yeah he's like, not getting enough oxygen"
Santa Claus winked at me two tables over at the Chinese place tonight I was almost afraid he knew "getting laid" was my Christmas wish
Absence makes the cock grow harder.
What I wanna know is who took a picture eiffel towering her?
I'm sitting by myself in my bra eating a waffle and drinking pineapple rum. gamedaaaayyyyyyy
drunk taco night MLK would want it this way.
They had their heads out of the car singing the wrong words to the national anthem as we drove through traffic of people leaving the fireworks. AMURICA
You better fucking tell me or I'm turning blow job week into go fuck yourself week.
Should I be scared that after we hooked up she took antibiotics with Sailor Jerry's?!
and idk now I have nine bags of lettuce in my fridge
you're telling me you don't want to have sex 30,000 feet above the earth?
So, is Canada considered an excessive distance to go for a booty call? Asking for a friend...
I ate at the cafeteria for the first time yesterday and today I think I had an hour long fart.
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