Some guy with no shirt on and his pants undone informed us he was kicked out of the cab
I asked him why, and he had absolutely no idea.
Stop. He threw up in front of Madison Square Garden security. Spit at the guys feet and grunted ughhh at him.
i just was bootyclappin in front of homeless men in a back alley
I'm not sure...it could be the pasta I ate from her sink, the dominoes, or just the alcohol. Or a wicked combination of all 3.
In all seriousness, if tomorrow night becomes a heated game of Which Ex Gets To Take The Plastered Birthday Girl Home, I'm going to bow out with my integrity intact.
Just put a dog collar on someone's child.....was a great hit with everyone but his mom.......I think she hates me. I'm okay.with that
AND OMG I HOPE YOU ARE GREAT WITH CHILD. COOK THAT BUN!
Stop making Mac and cheese and sit on his face. FINISH HIM
life lesson #151: dont let people go batshit crazy and stab you in the knee
i will live by this rule
Did you go to church in Texas and sign me up?
You need southern Jesus
If I am telling you about the details of the shits I take I probably don't want to have sex with you. Probably.
I don't know if your celebrity crush has ever asked you for nudes, but it's fucking awesome
He fingerfucked me in the hot tub and then we had sex in the wine cellar. See thats why I like partying with rich people
I have betrayed my no carb ways & I can feel it.
Embrace it. Come over to the dark side. I'll feed you muffins while stroking your hair.
Just saw a car towing a guy on skis drive by so that’s how Syracuse is doing today.
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