I don't know if the fire truck was perfect timing or if she actually burned something down.
If i evwr doyble fist jack daniels and smirnoff again, i hereby give you permission to take them both away grom me and give me and give me a glass of wat
Now that my 6 day bender is behind me, I just realized I might have been the one who took a shit in our mailbox that past few days.
in a garage, wearing a toga, theyre debating the logistics of Coke Pong. If I don't make it out of here... it was me who stole your Barbie in the 4th grade- I've never forgiven myself.
There is a homeless man handing out free beer on the city bus. He has a cooler and everything. I love this trashy yet generous city.
I've been smelling a baby wipe for three minutes. I didn't think I was that drunk but I guess I am
hope your day is as exciting as mine- one of our trauma patients just stole an ambulance out of our bay... WITH AN EMT STILL IN IT.
Apparently she "missed me" and the only logical solution was to fuck my brother.
the quiet that you are hearing is a silent suggestion that you should go fuck yourself
He said his parents were apparently coming over to surprise him with breakfast and I’ve never gotten dressed and run out of the door that quickly. I have commitment issues.
Had a vaginal orgasm. I feel like I made sex my bitch.
is 250 jello shots considered an open container?
I think I won an award for shitting and vomiting at the same time.
I begin to question your sobriety when you both left here shirtless, with beers in one hand and shotguns in the other
But seriously like how many girls do you know that will do that on the first date?
One?
ONE! And it was was glorious!
Randomize
