if I was a wizard from waverly place we wouldn't b having these problems
JAMES WASHOMGTON STATE ATTACKED US
WE'RE FYCKED UL HARDCORW
THE REISLING ATRACEX US
Pretty sure I tied my shoes laces together to keep myself from driving drunk. Fell like six times. Keep forgetting
while you laid on the ground I poured water into your mouth out of dog bowl some random guy walks by and said now that's what I like to see.
I'm hungover as fuck. My vagina hurts. I locked my keys in my car. It's about 93* outside. We're having sex in the pool when I get home
You peed up the stairs in front of everyone then blamed it on the dog
So this tall girl jumped in our cab and I was like hey I have pics of u on my phone. It wasn't creepy at all
So my roommate and I have a written agreement stating that if he tries to sleep with his ex girlfriend, I have to immediately intervene and nut punch him then send her on her way.
this is the most serious roommate agreement ever
I literally got so drunk last night, I texted myself "porpoises" and that was it. I have no recollection of this.
I just had to call my mom to come pick me up stoned at a Lana's house and beg her to buy me Taco Bell. I'm graduating from college in 14 hours. Fuck
Yeah I ended up covered in the mud by the end, in a lady bug golf cart that was blasting jazz music with a dead phone
Of course, it's a law of friendship. "Thy friend Shalt always hold hatred for thine friend's swinish ex"
If God is analyzing my life right now extremely proud or dissapointed but either way I took wednesday night drinkin to new levels
if you go to jail tonight, call call me. i wanna get out of work
Ugh I realized he only responds to my snaps when I’m eating a popsicle
Why are male brains so small?
Randomize
