I can't make any promises. I've tried my best to stay celibate. But if a guys on top of me, Im gonna tell him to stick it in.
We should never set our expectations higher than pizza bagels cause then our night is bound to get better
I think Charlie st. Cloud is the saddest thing I can masturbate to.
But on the up side she uprooted a whole peony plant from the hotel downtown and said, "I brought you flowers"
you came out with your cock in between the legs of a balloon animal. Maybe she'll think you have a sense of humor.
What kind of balloon animal was it?
I may have just unintentionally roofied a man in a wheelchair
Cover your phone. Photos of streaking frat guys incoming.
Come get me we have a petting zoo to throw up in.
Good news: I actually puked in my bathroom, the vomit from the living room was actually from someone else.
That's horrible but hilarious
I'm going to miss college.
the manischevitz sangria was a big hit
I have a pair of clean panties in my purse. This is having your life together.
60% of the guys I've slept with are on my holiday greeting card mailing list. I'm an amazing ex lover.
He was 6'5 and wearing a kilt, how could I not fuck him
Remember that time you puked in the middle of wendy's?
Yeah, why?
The staff still remembers me for cleaning it up. Thanks for the free frosty and fries
I just got fed by 3 guys. I love my job.
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