Who goes to Church hungover
Those who weren't lucky enough to go still drunk
Tickle wars 95% of the time end in sex.
can you come get me at the bar
ill be there in 10 min
can we stop off at build a bear on the way home
She sucked my dick when I had a concussion. It was the coolest feeling ever but the doctor said it was a bad idea. He's obviously gay.
you just kept yelling NO BUENO SENOR at the cashier and throwing coins at him, of course you were going to get kicked out of the grocery store
We ran out of ice cubes so I used ice cream. Everyone thought that was the plan all along. I just went with it.
Now you know for the next time you go in the basement to wear a helmet
I couldn't get past the raccoon on my porch so i slept on my lawn.
I realized last night, I never talk dirty in German during sex. How much wasted potential is that?
Sex on the scooter in the parking lot wasn't the smartest idea. Actual quote from the cop as he handed me the ticket and fist bumped me.
So dude comes out in a full body leotard and a wand and announced he's king of the gays. Chicago is a weird but fun place
THIS IS NOT A DECISION I MADE AT ONE IN THE MORNING IM JUST GETTING AROUND TO TELLING YOU ABOUT IT NOW
You can't just walk around stealing hats from drunk boys and peeing in bathtubs. Turn down.
remember when I lost my virginity and said I could see myself becoming a sex addict?? Well I'm pretty sure that time has come
Dont you look at me in that tone of voice
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