This martini tastes like the bartender stirred it with his foreskin.
Bring mistletoe to the strip club, and they feel obligated. they dont even charge you
we ran out of wine so you tried to make some by throwing grapes and nail polish remover in a blender.
Julian told me all the fish in his pond died and he didn't know when or how. I didn't have the heart to tell him he drunkenly peed in the pond on Saturday as everyone cheered him on.
I just remembered I gave $20 to a bum last nite. Philanthropy events always make me do stupid shit.
apparently i was cut off before i even walked in
I'm so sick
I would imagine. You did most of your drinking for brazil last night.
That and I think I got food poisoning from sharing nachos with that homeless guy..
And I feel like pitchers of margaritas accidentally make it down your throat a lot.
I mean, the lady at the Mexican restaurant insisted. She said she would win a prize if she sold another pitcher before noon. And plus I got to wear a sombrero
you and him went to the park at 2am to "catch a pigeon" and ACTUALLY CAME BACK WITH A PIGEON
I'd be 10x more excited if going out didn't require pants or the general giving of fucks
He said I took his samurai sword off his wall and proceeded to jump off his porch at people coming home from the bar.
Maybe if I ever do become a counselor, I would just implement a kind of intensive meme therapy.
I possibly am a tad bit not really but maybe slightly intoxicated.
tonight...tonight im having sex in honor of you
You almost lost your european virginity to a Peruvian man waering a do-rag in a port-a-potty.
Randomize
