Today I realized that I've had whole drunk relationships with people. And sober me has and wants no part in it.
what part of covering your puke with shaving cream seemed like a good idea?
i love insurance, just had an iv with 4 bags of fluid, 2 shots of finagrin and a 2 hour nap . woke up without a hangover. all for $20
someone was throwing condoms at us.
no, they just magically show up around you.
Yea.. I remember nothing. Except that the taxi driver was 56 years old and apparently never cheated on his wife.
She's an ex-convict. She actually got stabbed in the face with a pen while in prison. No big deal.
I am assuming I was his dirty Mardi Gras mistake and I can live with that
You are going to be so proud of me, I'm wearing underwear AND tights. That's two layers more than usual between my vagina and the world.
I'm having flashbacks from last night. Did I admit to pausing Whitney's funeral because I was watching porn? I believe I did.
I've been asked to reupholster their slam-couch so I found some off-cuts of medical-grade, hermetically sealed fabric. She'll be slammed upon for generations to come.
He sent me nudes and then a text asking if I tried the new Cantina Bowl from Taco Bell. He sure does romance right, doesn't he?
At one point, the bartender wrote out the words "please kill me" on some receipt paper and slid it across the bar to me.
I think about him when I masturbate so I guess you could call it love
I realized just how much my daughter is MINE when I heard her tell someone "Go shit yourself" yesterday.
Do you remember vividly describing the shape and girth of my cock to that girl last night?
Randomize
