Dub. In the bra. Dub in the bra.
Squirrels and blue jays and dove-like things. They're just frolicking around in my backyard. I wanna be like them.
I wish orgasms lasted as long as the pain from rug burn
Saw a sign earlier "Domino's Lava Cakes $3.00" and I thought of you. This text brought to you by thing I don't need to know about your sex life.
Fourth time I had to be woken up in the line of Whataburger in two weeks. First time my shirt was free of vomit.
It went alright, nothing too special, just got threatened with a knife by our server.
Just got done fucking the squirter chick. She came when we were in a 69. I now know what it's like to be water boarded.
Im the proud new owner of the campus speed bump sign
Jsyk, in serious talks of trading blowjobs for soup in bed. I'm sober
It's fucking New Year's. I can be soberish in 2013 after tonight. It's like the 30 years of grey area between Jesus' birth and death.
Need to find a Santa hat to fit my penis, he deserves to be festive too.
I fully support your bad decision but I do not approve of your unironic use of the word yolo
Doing the walk of shame from the back of a Jeep to the porta potty it's parked next to while your dad watches is not what you want.
On a scale from 1 to 10 how gross is it to get a chili dog from a vending machine?
I just sold Adderall to a priest, im not quite sure how I feel about this situation
Randomize
