She's perfect. Funny, gorgeous, 3 tats, been through a lot, bright. I'm in love.
if i'm ever as drunk as the girl in front of me... kill me.
Dude, I woke up at my ex's house. I am spooning her half naked roommate. There is a pizza on my shoulder. I need you to come pick me up.
Well i just wrestled a cop... p.s. i won
It was all fun and games until Tim shit on the end table
he let me wear his jacket and there was a magnum and a bowl in his pocket ... I think im in love
apparently you can't crawl through the drive-thru window
It's hard to be a gentleman when a girl pauses her karaoke version of "a whole new world," and proceeds to tell the entire bar that she wants your cock in her mouth.
After I was arrested and in the back of the squad, she lit a cig. I politely stuck my head through the glass opening and asked for a drag. She instantly slammed my head back, blew smoke at me and shut the glass. My view on state trooper chicks is forever tainted.
My life has come to reading articles about dating an ex heroin addict. I'm doing well.
Dude...are you really going to start sexting during our friend's memorial service?
All I know is if i get a free preview weekend of HBO then I am recording Kindergarten Cop.
I'm more heavily invested in that tequila than you are
Update: his apartment is apparently in the campus Christian community center. The fact that I fucked him on the couch in the lobby is officially my crowning life achievement.
I'm glad you found someone that both loves you and is cool doing coke off your tits. Proud of you.
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