can you come get me and bring me shorts and a shirt
maybe shoes and water too
oh and maybe a noose to hang myself
What time do you think the pilgrims started drinking? I want to be as accurate as possible.
you are the best fuck buddy i could have, all the others get feelings and morals involved
Just saw a baby with a T-shirt that read "I am the result of my mother forgetting to take her magic pills". I can't believe they make shit like that.
Somehow after we left in 3 different cars to all go to different places we still all ended up in the emergency room
Can we please just celebrate being alive this far into the school year and just get drunk?
On that note; HAPPY 21: THE SEQUEL from the back of an ambulance!!
hey dude come in here and see how much of my beard i can put in my mouth!
There are very few times i will succumb to laying naked on my bathroom floor. But lastnight is a resonable enough cause.
I had to ask. I mean when you get a snap chat of a nipple you have to ask who's it is.
I sent dad a photo of my graduation certificate from drug therapy class. It was his birthday so it seemed appropriate.
Your vagina felt like having sex with thanksgiving mashed potatoes. The best kind of mashed potatoes
I'm going to have to go for it. It's like Mt. Everest. It's large and unpredictable but I live for adventure and it's worth never coming back from. Mt. BigDick.
Once the overwhelming "oh god my crotch is on fire" wears off, that excite stuff is really nice
He and his ex stood there talking about going to get Chinese food while I was half naked searching for my panties
Randomize
