Watching Argentina vs Germany during a wedding on an iPhone. Thank you Steve Jobs.
nothing like walking down the street with a garbage bag of puke trying to find a dumpster
i really should have bought real food rather than condoms, olives, coleslaw and beer...
fun fact of the day: the man setting up my checking account at my bank has thrown up on my front lawn.
We're doing kegstands for my 80th Bday, so don't lose that muscle tone.
At one point I went looking for you and found you handcuffed to a chair. I'm pretty sure you handcuffed yourself. I don't know how you got there.
He brought a TOOTHBRUSH and TOOTHPASTE with us on our date..... I want to go home and forget I ever decided to be nice and go on this date in the first place...... A TOOTHBRUSH!?!?!
Is it worth it to drive to a zoo with a high possibility of sex at said zoo?
The strip club incident sums up our friendship pretty well
I rolled joints beforehand. Lit a candle. Ghetto rigged taping the 40's on my hands and then lit the joint using the flame of the candle.
I'm so proud of your modern ingenuity
I'm gonna have to shit in a bar again tonight
He said you asked to eat pepperoni off his dick and he thought it was weird
I mean I thought it sounded fun
This feels more like a conference of all the people I've fucked in the past year.
So, random question. How much should you tip a Lyft driver when you realized you've fucked his sister? Asking for a friend.
so i may or may not have just had sex on the stage of the lecture hall....
Randomize
