you dont want to live with me, im always naked, a chronic masturbator, a bit of a voyeur and will likely touch you while you sleep. ps- i can pick locks
soo how bad was i last night?
licking sour cream off of the table at pancheros bad.
Speaking of roommates, Kelsey and I woke up to urine in our trash can. Neither one of us is willing to admit to it so we've come to the conclusion that someone snuck into our room in the middle of the night
If you take a couple more shots you won't even know he's a mormon that drives a mini van.
Pretty sure I'm about to get another tattoo. It'll have mom in there somewhere for Mother's Day.
Is it possible to sluttify a hobbit costume? Cause if so, this will be my biggest accomplishment.
I mean I puked all over three separate towns last night and I still think you're the one who should reevaluate their life.
He blacked out and wouldnt drink anything unless he funneled it, so I made him funnel water
Are you trying to say I've made an emotionally well rounded transformation similar to the Grinch?
😂😂😂 what are we doing to these poor guys?!
Maintaining the status quo.
we're at the bar celebrating my ex bootycall getting his new gf pregnant... and me narrowly escaping a future as kitty foreman
And then he served me a piece of a brownie on his dick. It tasted amazing. Such a good night!
Just remembered that I got laid thanks to my glow in the dark Batman belt buckle. Need to wear it more often.
yeah i'm making him "thanks for letting me befriend your toilet" cookies. wanna help? i'm sure you'll be making new friends too.
Dude... this pee is not alleged
YOU SAT ON MY LAP!
Wuddup pee lap
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