went in for an STD check and they referred me to an alcohol and drug councilor. kick me when i'm down.
I think I'm pregnant with his hipster baby. It keeps kicking my stomach to the beat of mgmt songs.
so just incase you wake up on the couch wondering how you got there--you came home at 7am, put ice in a cup--then you proceeded to put the cup in the microwave and melt it because you "wanted water". you then, fell down the stairs while saying "you don't know me" then crawled to the couch.
I'm going to write a letter. It's going to say, Dear Every Girl Ever: Take some goddam initiative and wake me up with a blowjob and I will eat out of your hand. Love, Every Guy Ever
Just to give you a heads up, I am going home with your ex-boyfriend.... You can't be mad because he was my ex-boyfriend first
I just wanted to hook up with a white guy to prove that i could go back.
if i got ashes i think they'd burn a hole into my head with the amount of sins i've committed this year alone and it's only february
I know he is still a student. I am not asking if his being an underwear model makes it more ethical, just less prosocutable.
Bring one of those heart stabber things in case you go into shock. I'll jab you.
I DID NOT GO INTO HOURS OF STRENUOUS LABOR FOR YOU TO LOOK LIKE A DOMINATRIX BARMAID ON A WEEKDAY. AT LEAST SAVE IT FOR THE WEEKEND GDI.
Have you ever given your heart and soul to someone and they turn out to be nothing but a great fuck that makes a mean grilled cheese because same
drunk me always erases text conversations because she is a woman of mystery and does not like for me to know what's going on in her life
Yeah, but i got vodka and bacon out of it, so it's fine.
in the past 2 days I've ruined2-3 lives, made 2 men quit the bar, started a Wednesdays only affair, ended it, ruined that engagement and had my tires slashed by a jealous bouncer. please stop letting me out....
I can’t believe the first text I’m sending you from this phone was about how I just got fingered in a smart car on tin can hill
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