You know you want to come over later
1:27a: Um no
1:45a: Maybe
2:05a: Probably
2:38a: I'm outside, let me in
My secretary told me she wishes she can have an affair with someone in the office (she's separated from her cheating husband)...Umm...Okaaay
When do i get to see u next week?
When I teabag your entire family
Just heard the garage door open and I immediately sprinted to the laptop to erase history, even though I haven't watched porn today...I believe Pavlov now.
If i spent $300 & took that thing home i would hate myself today.
I know this is random but to this day I regret not having sex with you on that atv on the top of that mountain underneath the American flag.
It's okay though. My mom didn't believe that they were mine cuz they were magnums. Having a surprisingly large penis ftw
I'm literally taking a shit naked holding a bottle of wine.
it was her dad's 50th birthday kegger. Within the first 5 minutes I got punched in the ear from an off-duty cop and smoked a joint the size of my vibrator.
oh yeah, and she got boxed-out by said cop. Then her dad turned around and high-fived him for it
I'm more of a "get high and take a bath" kinda guy.
YO I WASNT TRYING TO MAKE A PASS AT YOU.... Or Jesus
Because bro, I don't want your dick being touched mid conversation.
The last time I saw her someone was carrying her on a bike and she was yelling that she was E.T.
Please tell me why I’m standing naked in the kitchen drinking pickle juice out of the jar & there is a container of potatoe salad with no lid & a spoon in it on the floor 🤦♀️
Step 1 was make out with him. so now we just need to come up with step 2.
Randomize
