I love you. And by the way. I found out a way for you to train your gag reflex. Elliot taught us in math.
she gave me a disgusted look and asked how i could live with myself. because i havent seen the rocky horror picture show. and then dumped me.
you hid your keys in a box of lucky charms because drunk you was apparently going to eat them for breakfast...
i offered her breakfast shots. she politely declined.
She took a picture of me when she thought I was sleeping. I don't know whether to be amused or scared.
It's like leaving me for his wife wasn't enough. He had to give me an STD too.
Did you hear me? I HAVE THE CONTENTS OF AN NBA PLAYER'S CONDOM IN MY BEDROOM TRASHCAN!! This shit is potentially worth millions of dollars to a fertile young female who is ovulating. How do I sell it fast??
Dude. There's gotta be an article in Cosmo about it cause I've had three different girls tongue tickle my brownie this month.
They got me high and left me at the mall with a giftcard for $400. I need an adult.
The cab driver just showed us a POV shot of himself getting ridden by a chick he took with his flip phone. Confirmed not taken in cab. Gonna be a good night...
Out of everyone here, the sober one caught the cat on fire.
There is nothing wrong with me introducing you as elephant dick. Nothing.
He kept singing Happy Birthday to himself, yelling at the bouncers for not letting him in, and telling them his "father will hear of this." He was like a drunken Scottish Draco Malfoy.
We should have a mid-burrito sex-break, too. Just so we don't get too full all at once
Good point.
Im going to seductively wisper "that butters my biscuit" in your ear
Randomize
