I just got asked by a man in the alley if i would like to buy 50 dollars of meat for 20 bucks. Its been a weird day.
i asked him to tell me something nice and he said "your vagina is really tight."
he believed the zit on my nose was a piercing...until he tried to bite it. needless to say he didnt ask for my number
She refers to my dick as princess Sarah... oddly I'm okay with that.
She was giving me great head...... until I asked her how much this was going to cost.... she left abruptly
she said, and i quote, "i want to black out with my rack out"
i realized our last day of finals is on cinco de mayo....it's god's way of saying drink ridiculous amounts of tequila and wear sombreros
come over i need a lifeguard for my shower
He was going down on me and raised up for a minute, slipped and punched me in the face. My lady boner left immediately.
I put chex mix in your purse for when you get hungry while doing your walk of shame tomorrow!
The topic of sex in the jamba banana suit has come up on multiple occasions. We're just waiting for a moment to try it out.
Had a turkey baster with clean pee in it in my pants to pass a drug test, and the bottom fell off, so yeah I'm pretty pissed.
ARTHUR IS ON FUCKING NETFLIX THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
My previously white toilet seat is now hot pink. I'm not sure why or how but I know it's your fault.
yes we're having sex but I'm texting you...so what does that tell you?
Randomize
