I had to go to the bank to confirm purchases made on 10/31/09 because they were signed as Lady Gaga
What is wrong with this kid? He'll take ecstasy but won't take dayquil?
I just ate a fried snickers. I now officially accept all fat jokes
At a St Pats house party. Just raised $110 for two short chicks to crawl into a dog cage together. Video forthcoming. Respect.
decision: in honor of being in new orleans this weekend all my drunk texts will be en francais
I never thought I would say this but I have to clean queso off my vibrator
Dude he was a used car salesman for his friends' penises. I know I have something here that's right for you!
I have a physical this friday. On a scale from 1-10, 10 being the most judgemental gay bashing, how much judgement am I gonna get from my dr when he checks my balls and sees the cherry tattoo
Come in your red robin gear. If you smell like French fries we can make love.
You don't know commitment until you try and waterproof a non-waterproof vibrator
Side note: Hot guys are now getting with ugly chicks. Alert the media.
who knew magic tricks and sex would actually go together?
my roommate woke me up with head. more awkward than it sounds.
Dude.. She just busted into my house wearing a ski mask, a poncho, and thigh-high pink hooker boots and yelled, "THE CABS ARE HEEERRREEE!!"
I just Spray tanned myself while high as fuck its either going to look like a work of art or terrible graffiti
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