there's paper in my vomit.
This guy has a retainer. We're golden.
she said she could "feel the heat of my groin" against her. ruined the whole fucking moment.
We need to either start getting drunk more often or one of us need to start doin drugs
Wtf? Why?
I want awesome conversations to show the world.
I will give you a bj if you get me food. NOT A JOKE. FREE BJ.
Yea. I think between making the bride puke, feeling up the maid of honor, and sleeping with a bridesmaid. I did my part.
my mom took me to a gay bar and went on and on about all her good times at clubs... i now know where i get it
Yeah it was hard to find an opportunity while fucking him to say "oh the reason my lips taste so salty is because i blew your roomate 15 minutes ago"
When my alarm went off, he rolled over and asked me: Bacon or dick? Yes, I will see him again.
You keep saying things....but all I'm hearing is kegs
Apparently from about 3-5AM I was consoling that crying stripper about her life choices.
you stuck pieces of bread to your face with peanut butter and asked if it looked like you had a facial yeast infection.
ohhhh that's why they asked me to leave...
Bought pregnancy tests in bulk off amazon. Kinda feel insulted that it asked if I wanted to subscribe for regular shipments.
half way down the stairs my legs said fuck this and i just fell the rest of the way...
Let the record show that I hate your ass.
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