sitting with a guy who's looking at the cum stains on the bed. Do you think he's convinced it's from the cat?
No. He thinks you're slutty.
no homo or anything but the way you were dancing with that girl gave me a boner
ugly people sure do ruin things
you came home covered in oatmeal wearing a tutu holding a stolen wrotting pumpkin and "its a girl" balloons tied around your neck.you were whispering the lyrics to aaron carters 'aarons party'. i think the real question was what DIDNT you drink last night
Yes, I am watching The Hills Have Thighs. And yes it is a porno remake of The Hills Have Eyes. And, again, yes, lesbian sex in the desert. Get the sand out.
I just noticed that when I sneeze...my nipples get hard.
Trust me. My penis has made more than enough decisions this weekend.
You really realize what your life's become when you're sitting alone in the house crying in a santa hat and pjs getting stoned on christmas eve before noon.
she used teeth so i didnt tell her when i was cumming ...........dont get mad get even
You went full blown lifeguard... You wouldn't let me sleep until I was in the safety position, so I wouldn't die in my sleep...
You know I ate twenty hot dogs in an hour once.
I am honestly so surprised you are a lesbian.
I think my biggest regret in life is not banging you in the science museum
First dip in a brand new jar of Nutella, and my man’s dick are two things I will not fucking share.
Officially not baby mama #3. Celebration is in order.
TSA found the edibles
Fuck
Oh my god he just. Swiped them for explosives and handed them back to me
God bless California
Randomize
