hanging on that rope, lady gaga looks exactly like a used tampon
all i know is that if they can hide that much blood in her outfit, they definitely could have hid a penis
Well i just learned hong kong is a country...thank you olympics
How did you steal an entire pie?
I don't know. It's in my purse.
she moaned out jack bauer's name while i was banging her...
The lack of pants and amount of productivity in my life right now is amazing.
when i got home i made myself toast with butter & put pasta on it. I know this cause it's all over my bed.
Can we get blazed at 9:06 on sunday and reenact the moment of my birth?
I get to be your mom.
I have no idea what to do about this. He has a power over me and I think its called his tongue.
We can just keep having sex until one of us finds someone we actually like
I woke up and the only 2 bowls I own were shattered on my floor. Pretty sure my hand and tailbone are broken and I have no idea what the fuck happened
You talked the cab driver into taking a shot from your flask at a red light because "Ray Charles would want him to"
If you've never been partying there before, take Shae with you. Drunk Shae is like a GPS. She found us the only bottle shop still open at four, a pot dealer, and told us all which subway to take to get home. She'd never been to Madrid before. It was awesome.
He's the stereotypical redneck. He tried to go kayaking during a storm and almost got into a fight when a park ranger tried to stop him
I'm not gay but if a lesbian wants to eat my box out I'm not gonna say no to someone who knows what they're doing.
She had never heard the term "grundle" before. Classiest girl I've met in months
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