I cockslap morals
There is an old man sitting across from me. Phone rang and his ringtone is children giggling, I'm not safe here.
She's sitting on the couch buck naked, eating a cupcake for dinner. I'm breaking new ground as a parent here.
All signs point to mom being high. 1) making chicken at 2 am. 2) dancing to smooth jazz. 3) she asked where the peanut butter was
I honestly get shocked all over again every time I pull his pants down. It's one of those feelings you never get tired of.
My TA just asked me why I was late to class. How do I say because I was having the best orgasm of my life in Arabic?
Just for future reference: milk is NOT a good mixer no matter how drunk you are.
casually drinking alone with your cats. do they like sparks?
But he made me breakfast and understands the fuck sleep fuck sleep necessities
My crowning drunk achievement from that night was donating $5 to the Obama campaign.
You're perfect
So a guy died and our dates revived him with CPR. Good night?
We left the bar and you kept yelling "ONWARD SCION, TO GLORY!!"
Some male strippers are here, I threw pancakes at them. It's ok
How am i even supposed to meet his daughter? "Hi, Claire, I hear we have so much in common, like we both love your Dad and also we're almost the same age."
Here's a concept though: eating pasta while getting laid
Randomize
