shit pants at work. discarded underwear.
just showed this text to the guy at west elm. luckily we did not stool ourselves in the midst of the ensuing hilarity. so you're commando now?
yep! most awkward part is that i was a few feet away from a client, talking and looking him in the eye. i've never stooled while looking someone directly in the eye.
isnt it creepy that our bodies make people
me and my sister are feeding my dog poprocks. this is proof you don't need a lot of money to have fun.
Just saw a Mexican guy pushing a stroller with 3 twelve packs of corona in it with a toddler struggling to keep up on foot behind him
I found a girl on our couch wearing lederhosen this mornig... I dont know if i should be impressed or ashamed
Wow, Pearl Harbor and The Notebook are on. Its like the Im going to kill myself marathon.
I am only moving my arms so I remember that I can. These brownies are wild.
By this time tomorrow I expect us to be sitting at the kitchen table either playing a drinking game, or crying. Set an alarm
You slow clapped the stripper last night.
I woke up with a half eaten bag of lettuce in my hand, wearing my Halloween costume from last year. Damn you tequila.
we can be functional adults and still think pizza lunchables are the shit
No matter how drunk I am or how drunk I'll ever be I love you
Is this the guy that did shots off my ass at the beach? Haha
Ick. That's not even the fun kind of punishment.
it's like the easy bake oven version of plastic surgery
Randomize
