it was like his penis was on wheels.
Nights like last night are what makes cleaning up the vomit in the morning worth it
I drunkenly sent a picture of my scrotum to the entire baseball team last night
I couldn't sleep so I drunk ellipticaled for an hour. Worst. Idea. Ever.
It's annoying. I only date people who are 6 foot 3, drug dealers, or 2 years older than me.
all time personal low: room service guy going "You want french fries AND onion rings???"
I fell asleep on the air hockey table and someone turned it on, scariest shit ever when you're that fucked up
I'm just a little drunk right now and I have to work at 3
Omg sara
I ran out of milk and it's hot and I was thirsty
How was the birthday sex?
Shit got outta hand. Honestly I think even my STDs have STDs.
Happy cinco de mayo!! Puke filled sombrero in the lawn needs to be picked up and whos never punched my fence boards in half needs to replace those by the way the owner of those panties (see attached photo) anytime you wanna cum over;-) hiii!
I've never heard "I will drown your mother in vanilla pudding" as an insult before, and then last night happened.
I traded my pants for a Santa hat last night and it was so worth it.
I just made a dick pic collage. Let me just tell you,there is no comparison to the latest!
I better get weekly incoherent text messages or I will assume something is wrong.
Pretty sure he proposed because my house is awesome. His ass is a ten and he's offering to pay more than half the bills... How expensive is a divorce really? I mean I could probably put up with him for three or four years but a lifetime is a big ask.
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