Why did you send me a picture of a dick?
It was an accident sry. Not mine tho.
when my professor asked "does anyone know what streches across south america" and a kid in the back row said "my exgirfriends vagina" i knew i was at home.
The last mom I slept with was the worst lay ever. Imagine fucking a hairy wet pillow for 60 minutes. Good luck with your milf. I was joking about the Susan Boyle comment btw.
Notice: I will be intoxicated and in your area this evening. To unsubscribe from my sexual solicitation list, reply 'fuck off'.
What's a good pandora station to masturbate to?
Found out I slept with someone who likes Pitbull. I really should get to know someone better before I sleep with them.
Yeah, you went up to him and said "I stare at people until they feel obligated to talk to me."
YOU CHEATED ON ME WITH THE WOMAN THAT IS STAYING AT YOUR HOUSE. FORGIVE ME IF IM NOT THINKING YOUR A DEDICATED BOYFRIEND.
It's just great that Easter is on 4/20 this year. Now everyone can enjoy the Easter egg hunts. And being around my whole family.
I ate breakfast with him. And by ate breakfast I mean we fucked on the kitchen table.
They made up a new version of "Smash or Pass" called "I would(n't) let you sit on my face" to yell at the freshman
Let's play the game let's see how long Kayla can be sober
This may be the alcohol talking, but I'm pretty sure I know Spanish now
then I ended up getting a lapdance from my TA...I love college.
Considering we almost incited a riot on behalf of LGBT rights I have to say that was the best time for our moral compass to turn south.
Randomize
