Hurry. And bring back up. SHE WON'T STOP TALKING.
Dude it was awful. I woke up with more strippers in my dorm room than those duke lacrosse kids.
There is something about listening to Patsy Cline while pooping that makes the experience so much better.
when I picked him up he smelled like cheeseburgers, had a bite mark around his left nipple and we think someone stabbed him in the forehead with a pencil... it was like the Hangover meets Texas Chainsaw Massacre
hey you forgot your wet suit in my room you can come grab it whenever
She swung at the pinata with crutches
Dude...that line about her giving me a blowjob to get rid of her hangover actually got rid of her hangover. Spread the word.
I'm at the perfect height to walk up to the corner of my mom's stove and rest my balls on it. Just thought you'd like to know they're warm.
The 78 year old woman who works next to me divorced her ex husband, remarried her first husband, and retired all in one day. I'd say it makes your breakup on Valentine's day pretty insignificant.
I feel like it went downhill once I decided we should take $100 tequila shots.. oops lol
My dick has a subreddit
How weird would it be for me to get 1 hour photos printed at CVS of my partially or all nude?
WAIT this kid is eating yogurt with a fucking ladle. what is happening?
fucked one of the teachers, librarian job's going great
I just got out of a $280 speeding ticket by acting like The Big Lebowski. Seriously Jeff Bridges is the man.
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