from now on, im only gona ahve sex with my boyfriend.
He finally told me that he's married. I guess it doesn't really matter.
my ass just sighed. even my farts are tired.
You don't give head? I'm offended and I don't even have a cock...
did you fuck him yet?
hahaha who do you think your talking to.. a nun?
we've decided to start cutting you off when you can't figure out how to work an ipod.
I told the hostess, two bouncers and a manager i was roofied and made them smell my beer. Turns out I just picked up some stupid bitches CHERRY WHEAT beer by mistake. I insisted they replace my lost beer.
Sorry I never showed up last night. It was between spending time with you and our freinds or having violent multiple orgasims. I chose the low road.
I was mixing candy canes and coors light and was in a great place.
Only Tommy would bring a stripper pole to a bonfire
I had jack at 8 am= instant drunk
Wanna have a sleepover and take me to court in the morning?
i woke up in a bed of pop tarts
He got up in the middle of the show and returned with this massive ham shank, then offered me some by asking "wanna suckle on my hog." Should I be offended?
Quickly hiding the condom wrappers, ropes, and handcuffs right before the parents arrive to help with moving out? Priceless.
Randomize
