1:12am: That's just how i roll, and this dress she is wearing is dirty and needs to get pulled over her head.
Do you think people stop being hipsters when they're naked? because that's what my research shows.
this beer tastes like vomit already
great sex! but now the fight over who sleeps on the wet spot starts.
I don't even remember his name...i'm just gonna save it as birthday sex
we need 14,000 post its to execute this plan
um, yes. it's my birthday, of course there will be acid.
You should've come to the party. It was like an identity parade of everyone you screwed last year.
and let me tell you something, handcuffs are surprisingly uncomfortable when they arent being used in a sexual manner
N.C. cops just used a megaphone to tell me I have a slutty outfit. My life is complete.
Unless you're gonna start buying my underwear, you have got to stop ripping it off of me.
I'm going to be drunk and braless all weekend. Let the festivities begin!
If it snows I'm making an igloo and getting wasted in it
I'm sorry but if you can talk well enough to critique his oral game, he clearly needs the pointers.
Ps he swallowed my earring last night so yeah
Randomize
