And my awkwardness continues. I felt the need to send him a text that said roar. I did it.
I just realized that all of my cardio comes from dancing on tables.
I changed the background on my phone to a picture of you so whenever I go to look at porn or text another girl I'll have second thoughts
Am I supposed to find that romantic?
Im in a bar and I just invented a scrabble drinking game. People are cheering. It's like the universe has aligned itself.
I want to apologize in advance for texting you a picture of my penis tonight.
Apparently I covered myself in sunscreen before I went to bed. Im just assuming that due to the fact I found an empty bottle of sunblock
he fucked me to the beat of the construction going on outside my house. i will never look at jackhammers the same ever again.
Ended up getting hot boxed in a limo with a bunch of asians going to a karaoke bar. I think I pretended to understand their language for a solid hour. Am I bilingual now?
My therapist keeps stopping to ask what 'hooking up' means
ITS ORAL SEX CAROL
i just got hit on on the bus. Yes sir, because its every boys dream to fuck a forty year old with a face tattoo
Amnesty Wednesday? I'm free to do dirty things to you and you can't laugh or judge?
I don't like pregnant me. I eat very large burritos, I don't like having sex and I can't even finish a Blue Moon.
I've decided to have sex with him one more time to make sure I don't like him
We made out in front of everyone INCLUDING his girlfriend. And no one saw. THAT DRUNK!
Don't drink and try to take a shower. I thought I was drowning
Randomize
