I feel like dying is the new "adopt an african baby"
I wish guys would just cum water 'cause you don't have to worry about being pregnant and it'd be like a squirt gun fight
one of my coworkers is shitshow drunk, getting naked. she's about to ride the bull.
i was just going to ask if it would be cool for me to come and have a beer...
it's total chaos here. i may ride the bull... i'll be visible.
The UPD just told me that he was going to call the cops if i try to run. you owe me 5 dollars, i told u they arn't real cops
If you feel like laying around and watching a movie, that's where I'll be for the next several hours not moving, blaming others, and generally feeling sorry for myself.
having sex with him is like cage fighting mixed with pilates...the condoms didn't stand a chance...
To my wonderful winter break booty calls: thank you for making this holiday season enjoyable. I look forward to seeing you boys again this summer.
Tried to ride the mechanical bull pants less, got punched for making out with some lesbians wife, and you tipped the bartender with a can of skoal.
I regret nothing
Pretending to leave a voicemail when the person answers the phone....that's gotta be drunk dial level 99
No. More. Tequila. Even the hot dog guy felt bad for me and you know that guy has seen some crazy shit.
Next time we smoke don't let me talk. I just said something and it sounded like I was speaking in hashtag.
Nothing says depression like laying in your bed stoned, naked, and eating a cupcake
Who the fuck is "nick from the beach last year"
No idea hahaha...why?
He just texted me.. Should I ask where I met him?
We were so amazed while watching mission impossible ghost protocol last night we didn't even have sex
You know that gay bartender? Not as gay as we thought.....
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