I'm too scared of my Fleshlight to even use it anyway.
I have a hot bod, but my face sucks, what can i do?
operation "beaches make me wet" is a go
the 3rd commandment: and god said, if you buy a handle.. you must finish it.
In debating whether or not it's worth getting out of bed and walking 5 feet down the hallway to go to the bathroom before I puke
Is it bad when your hot neighbor is crying on her porch, and your 2nd thought is "maybe her boyfriend cheated on her and she'll want to fuck me for revenge sex?"
Perfectly normal.
i was so worried that when his hands were down my pants he was going to find the weed i stole from him
I'm going to need to borrow your helmet cam for my Wednesday night blackouts.
Not sure how I feel about St Psts and March Madness being on the same weekend. I feel like I've been screwed out of a drunk holiday.
All I know is she walked in crying with a bag of limes and a bottle of tequila and has been locked in her room blasting lil wayne ever since.
Figured out how to triple bathroom speed at #lollapalooza.. Girl squats, guy 1 goes between her, guy 2 uses urinal. Your welcome.
I just noped my wife on Tinder. Turns out I was the second one to find out that we both have it.
I walked in on him jerking it to videos of UFC fighters. The most awkward part: he didn't stop when I walked in.
He just turned down phone sex for hockey and I'm so relieved I'm fucking a straight guy that I'm barely even mad
So i dislocated my knee but still went home and fucked his brains out. Nothing gets in the way of my sex life. NOTHING.
Randomize
