Dating a girl 4 years younger than you is like living in a Taylor Swift song...
Revenge fucks should not count towards the total number. They're justified.
I just puked in a penis shaped cake pan. I've hit an all new low for a Tuesday.
I JUST WANT SOMEBODY TO EXPLAIN HOW FORESKIN WORKS AND DO NOT UNDERSTAND WHY THIS IS A PROBLEM.
My complete lack of self respect has really improved my blow job technique
Also, just saw a kid in a gorilla costume being questioned by a boardwalk cop. I love ocean city.
got woken up at 7:30 by a drunk girl asking me where she was... apparently she slept on my futon
she was in a cheetah costume
We listened to Rod Stewart Pandora and slow danced in the shower.
I'm on my fifth cocktail in twenty minutes. I don't think I will end this on two legs.
Sweet tea and masterbation. It's how I manage.
Just got a motivational speech from the tacobell drive thru guy at 2am
Dude I puked in a snow bank and then fell face first into it
My ex's new gf is pregnant and he is sterile, so 2016 is starting off well.
Your bf is wearing nothing but a cape, I mean absolutely NOTHING but a cape. I know you said he looks like Thor but this is getting a bit ridiculous.
Once someone takes a shit in your toilet they are no longer a guest.
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