we are driving next to a guy driving and masturbating while looking at a naked magazine. I love LA
There is a banner on a house by campus that says "welcome to college dads. Thanks for dropping off your daughters!"
She just wrapped her tongue around my thumb.....lizard girl may be my next wife.
i just saw a man pushing two thirtys of beers in a stroller while his little kid ran to keep up. father of the year
Have thirty minutes until my shift starts. My heart says liquor store but my future says no
i chased bacardi with meat sauce last night
I put labels all over the house on things I think are mine. A cactus, the dog, and a bottle of wine.
trapped on the roof of the strip club. help
I fucked her wearing an American flag. Now here I am, awake, naked, and flag less. How do I report this to the police?
Current status: Finding an unwrapped portion of Subway sandwich in my purse at the pharmacy counter & picking pieces of tomato off my wallet while the pharmacist watches disdainfully.
Did you offer her some?
If only. Current status: Not that clever.
Enjoy the penises
I made out with my moms boyfriends son last night. Thanksgiving is gonna be reeeal fun!
why is there a porcupine in the kitchen
Ya i'm marrying the man who can hear/smell this level of flatulence and stick around
This is what I get for listening to Christians.
Randomize
