Unmistakable female orgasm noises coming from upstairs shower
She must've brought a toy -- seriously doubt that he's up to the task
no more hot dogs for you........
fine no more vajj for you
There is something just so refreshing and wonderful about an uninterrupted morning poop in the office.
so basically i'm the" little sister", he's the "big brother" and we just fucked
I'm doing shots of crown out of a baby bottle. My friends are sensational parents.
How do you say "I'm not pregnant in Spanish?"
You came out of the bathroom, said "I'M DRUNK BUT I REMEMBERED TO WASH MY HANDS!" and then insisted that she smell them.
my life has come down to walking through campus and wondering if every guy is the random i made out with saturday
My friends son got stung by a jellyfish over the weekend and we seriously stood there debating on whether or not we should pee on this toddler.
I feel like Jeremy snapchattong while we're fucking is a perfect example of our generation..
Lets get drunk and then you just wraps me into a present because that sounds like fun after the past 3 glasses of wine I drank
I think I'm just going to go like every guy on tinder who has a jetski. I'm doing this for us, Summer is coming.
Ahha guy saw me buying beer, went "hmmmmm" and nodded his head approvingly. No words exchanged, but he has made his way to my heart haha
Why the fuck are you playing with legos?
Why the fuck are you questioning me?
Dude there's ten thousand dollars worth of damage to the kids house and three thousand in stolen property and his dog is missing he is pissed
If I give him back his dog do you think he'll invite me to the next party
Randomize
