i jhust puked up my retainher.
I just ran into the couch, vagina first.
I hope you got dinner out of it
My cousin just asked what abortion is. Happy Holidays.
I sharted in my sleep... I didnt even think that was possible.
he saw my boobs and came all over himself... there goes my whole night.
I'm sorry for throwing the cheese everywhere, but it wasn't my fault. No one was enforcing disipline so not really my fault for not behaving
You just kept insisting that you and the homeless man went way back, and that you bonded over how cold you both were.
I transported a midget tonight. He got beat up by another, midgetier midget. Is it bad that this is what makes me feel compassion after 15 years of being a paramedic?
Midgetier?
Smaller, yet meaner.
He just stared into my eyes and touched himself. That isn't hooking up.
Do you wanna do something, or just stare at each other and fantasize about death like we usually do
This is the best thing we've done since that time we started a religion
I'm pretty sure I smell like alcoholism and shame. And it's not a pretty scent.
I'm drunkenly throwing popcorn at a spider, fuck him. Why does his scary 8 legs get to be happy?
When my parents ask, do you think "he was the cop I gave head to in order to get out of a speeding ticket" will suffice as to how we met?
I’ve basically been controlling him with my tits for months now, so I can’t even imagine what would happen if I start banging him
Randomize
