can you come get me and bring me shorts and a shirt
maybe shoes and water too
oh and maybe a noose to hang myself
okay im going to go eat, shower and find underwear... call if you want.... but ill be listenig to glee VERY loudly.
so explain to me why i woke up in jail this morning
because you opened a jar or pickles and a bag of fritos and layed down in the middle of aisle 7 while singing 'la cucaracha'
no more ever clear
you refused to come out of the bathroom until i asked you in spanish
I vomited in the sink and my bra was in there...I don't even have words to describe this hangover confusion
Walked by a shop giving away free donuts this morning. Best walk of shame ever
Nothing like wearing your heels and smelling like henney in the afternoon
Covered in confetti and bad decisions
I think 2012 will be the year I purposely put myself in awkward situations. Much like 2011 but really trying this time. Like fucking the little sister of a girl I already fucked and dating a chick that lives with her ex. It could be awesome or horrible.
Pretty sure I picked a cat up off the street and took him home with me, fed him tuna, then let him go
She just causally held my limp dick in her hand the entire movie. Her parents were cuddling on the couch too..that brave!
Doap. Just bring some lube and a slingshot. Not sure y we need the slingshot.
His life is a porno. He snapped me while banging a girl in the back of the ambulance.
Tip of the day: Don't Amazon vibrators when your WHOLE FAMILY uses your prime account. There's dildo after dildo showing up in my "Related to Items You've Viewed" category on the home page.
Did you know that chef boy-ar-dee was a real person? I watched a show about him. the history of the ravioli is more scandalous than you would think.
It stopped being casual for me when I waxed my vagina for you
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