I really think my calling is to star in a Live Links commercial
I thought if I stared at him long enough he'd walk me to my car. but he didn't. he dddidn't. i rreally thought i had those powers.
thanks 4 putting "im not your boyfriend baby" on my sex playlist. she just got pissed and left.
She just fell in the river. Meet us downstream with the bottle.
I ended up naked in a pond with you-know-who and your saying your a good babysitter? Dick.
underwater hpnotiq shots? sure why not.
Just found my socks folded and in the back pocket of my jeans. Apparently drunk me refuses to lose shit after the panties incident over New Years.
Is the Chairman of the College Republicans throwing upon your toilet right now? 'Murica!
Six words: 3rd Degree Burn On My Dick
Honestly you'd think more guys would be happy to date a cute female dealer, but apparently something about safety or whatever
Somehow she talked me into getting my dick pierced, weird first date.
Naked snow angels was a very bad idea. My vag is now frozen shut.
i cant hook up i'm covered in egg rolls
I'm shrooming way too hard to deal with your bullshit at this particular point in time
He eats ass but won’t hold open doors. My kinda guy.
Chivalry really is dead.
Randomize
