grandma shit on top of the toilet
just saw a dude in a v-neck sweater on a bike drinking starbucks. way to feed the stereotypes white dude.
The only thing I really remember is repeating "I hope I still have a job on Monday". Oh and pulling my boob out of my dress.
So I take it the company Christmas dinner went well then...
Did they have a limo or was i just stoned?
he was like the dessert in the all you can eat man buffet that has become my life.
I know it's pride week, but your asshole is just never supposed to taste like banana.
Which genius got me a voicemail of myself puking?
One thing noone tells you about getting put in the drunk tank is do it barefoot. You get free flipflops.
I masterbate to the thought of you. You totally aren't just a booty call.
SIMBAAAA REMEBER WHO YOU ARE
You said you wanted to wrap his dick in a tortilla and make a spicy burrito. Let me just say, most girls don't have this hard of a time getting laid.
Hey its me your friend who impressed the pharmacist by already knowing the generic version of plan b by name
Bitch guess who just got a fucking taser
this isn't the first time i woke up with peanut butter in my butt
Okay, since we're going to be living together and I'm obviously better than you at everything, I have one single simple rule that I want you to follow: DO. NOT. FUCK WITH ME.
Randomize
