If Andre Agassi did Crystal Meth, what was John McEnroe doing?
He said "what's the haps". I don't know what the haps are but there goes his chances
drunk tastebuds have low standards.
I made two strippers play rock paper scissors to see who would give me a lap dance last night
Tonight that bitch will not be with him. You will drunkingly talk him out of this wedding. It is your duty as the one with the least amount of soul. Good luck.
Feeling better?
I can stand long enough to do the dishes finally. Been trying that all day.
I've fallen from my one moral pedestal
My makeup looks extraordinary for nine tequila shots, running four blocks, falling asleep with my face in the toilet, and doing the walk of shame across campus in the rain. And to think I'm single.
Is it possible to rally from a drunken seizure?
Nope we are at the ER my brothers crazyass neighbor kinda stabbed him in the neck. He's gonna be fine.
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST
Dollars spent: $83, Girls kissed: 4, Girls slept with:2, Girls currently making me breakfast: 1, Fucks given: 0
I woke up to pee last night, got out of bed and proceeded to stand there because I had no idea where I was. Then, I heard my sexy as fuck personal trainers voice. Well-played blacked out me.
You’re welcome stay at my house. But, you gotta piss in the toilet
She's wear your skin crazy! Is it wrong that I'm gonna fuck her 1 more time though?
Randomize
