they say Disney World is the happiest place on Earth. It's a close second to the Super 8 on route 18. That place holds some great memories.
but seriously ill do anyone in one of those hats with the earflaps.
She's like the little sister I never had ... except for the fact we're having sex.
You blinded her by spitting vodka in her eyes, the vodka you had just taken as a body shot off of her.
Leaving someone plastered on a corner at 3am telling them to just scream for cock is NOT being a good wingman.
I'm pretty sure this city writes new vice laws specifically because of us.
He ran into the room yelling "attack! Attack!", jumped on top of me on the air mattress, popped the air mattress, and then we had victory sex, because he was proud of popping it.
Do you think county jail has a Groupon?
Nothing says Merry Christmas like gifting a bottle of rum and finishing it yourself then leaning over at the dinner table to puke it back up.
My gynecologist just said "don't worry, this won't be as hard as…well…" A FUCKING SEX JOKE NO
All I remember is allowing my uber driver to pull over on the side of the road to give me a massage. I was alone
Living alone for four weeks has given me unrealistic expectations of pantslessness.
I found a hot kiwi last time and sucked his dick. That's what rooftop bars are made for.
The more time I spend surrounded by Mormons, the more I miss alcohol.
I never imagine I'd say this, but can I ask Jeff for the butt plugs back even though it was a gift and we broke up?
Randomize
