it was like playing where's waldo with your underwear
You're not pinnochio. Lying isn't going to make it bigger.
What tipped you off? The sombrero?
i convinced her that her period would come back if we did it doggy style
I'm paying a homeless guy $20 to follow me around bars tonight with a boombox playing the theme to Rocky.
The background of my phone is you taped to the wall wearing a cowboy hat
Would it be inappropriate to trade Christmas cookies for sex?
His arresting officer when they were busting up the squat party recognized him from the anti-drone protest. He was like Jesus kid, you were sober last time.
I faked more orgasms with him then ever should be allowed for someone this pretty.
that's the second time I've left that bar and slept with the person that's driven my car. thank god I don't take cabs..
You were drink-wine-from-the-bottle drunk trying to take everybody's blood pressures again.
It's not too terrible. You just got a little naked and broke your arm.
I'm giving random strangers at the bar sips of my fishbowl, then telling them I have Ebola. It's a fun night.
He yelled "Go Ducks" while he came
Tolerating him while I'm not drunk is like trying to find a word that rhymes with orange
Randomize
