We had literally Just finished having sex when he handed me a plan B and said he lied about wearing a condom.
Totally just asked Dad if I needed to show the real estate guy my tits so he would let us buy the house. I've really got to work on that filtering thing.
Dude. The walls are totally staring at me right now. I told you this was a bad idea.
Sorry for drunk singing "love hurts" to you at 3 am.
You had me at "mimosas" several texts ago.
I'm laying in bed listening to Purple Rain on repeat. If you wanna bone, come up, but if not, at least Prince understands me.
All I want to do on Facebook today is comment on people I knew in high schools profile pictures and tell them how much uglier they are now.
I'm not gonna lie. The only reason I haven't drank a whole bottle of crown tonight is because we only had 3/4 of a bottle left.
I just got the two most enjoyable things in life in one... Weed delivered in bubble wrap.
It's always nice when a total stranger hates your ex just as much as you think they should.
I'm slacking. We've been hooking up for months and I have yet to bang him while he's wearing the clown mask.
My lash glue is stronger than my sense of self respect
It was a strange night. I made out with his college roommate and said "do you care?" beforehand.
You were only speaking with either thumbs up, thumbs down, or high fives haha
No I got a fucking mosquito bite on my vagina. Summer is off to a bumpy start.
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