Looks like I will be paying for the roofie I slipped myself in 9 months.
This chick just checked into her walk of shame on Foursquare... I think I'm in love.
I just deleted all the drug dealers from my phone, I guess this is growing up
last day of my family cruise we all got trashed and had an award ceremony. I got the award for hooking up with a cougar. my grandma hugged me and said im living up to the legacy. this is why my familys better than yours
oh and then you called a time out with your penis
I think rescheduling my finals around when Im going to be hungover is responsible
shes still here... layin in my bed watching a beyonce concert on tv drinking leftover franzia straight outta the bag and crying
Completely smashed, masturbating to the view of the ocean. Family vacations are more tolerable than I thought
Couple of things: my nipples are blue and knowing that at some point I'm going to have to poop is incredibly terrifying
I am in a hotel room with 10 people. John is in bed eating an industrial sized pan of mashed potatoes. I think a non insignificant number of people saw my nipples.
when i got home she was standing in my front yard not wearing a shirt and halfway crying/ halfway laughing
Yeah started playing at the wedding last night, when the line. "Ludacris fills cups like DD" he starts pointing at my tits right in front of his grandparents.
I'm not saying I would have to be high to sleep with him. I'm just saying it would probably help.
How are you supposed to wish the guy you send nudes to good luck for the first day of his new job??
YOu just turned down my vagina. Something must be wrong. Vegas changed you!
Randomize
